Wrong Side of Heaven
by Moon-Goddessxx
Summary: Follows some of our favourite characters through their darkest times during the Scanran War and it's aftermath. Includes Jonathan, Alanna, Raoul, Neal, Kel and Dom.
1. Jon: Officially War

**A/N: This story was originally written as a oneshot and based around the lyrics of Wrong Side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch. I have since learned that this site no longer allows any lyrics to be present in fanfics - so since I have actually worked really hard on this I unfortunately have to remove the small portions of lyrics at the top of each chapter.**

 **The story was inspired by the song however, and I recommend looking up at least the lyrics - it was originally one paragraph of the song for each chapter of the war.**

 **I got to the end of it and realized that it was about 7000 words long so decided to break it up into chapters simply for easier reading. Yes, it is complete. It is 12 chapters long and I will post a new one every few days. It has a rough story line from the start of the war until the end as well as the aftermath for the mentioned characters. In terms of this timeline, Raoul is the only one who doesn't fit it as his section takes place while there are still killing devices. This wasn't changed because I felt it disrupted the flow of the story.**

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Chapter 1

 **Corus, Mid-March 456HE**

The twenty-first year of the reign of Jonathan IV and Thayet, his Queen

Jon sighed as he heard a knock on the door of his private study first thing in the morning. He had spent yet another night at his desk, falling asleep just before dawn. He cleared his throat, "Enter."

Sir Myles entered with a grim look on his face and Jon knew that the news would not be good. Myles did not bother to bow, knowing that privately the king liked to keep life as simple as possible. He also took the liberty of taking a seat in front of the king's desk without being asked.

"It's serious, Jon."

"How serious?" Jon could feel a tension headache coming on, it was going to be a long day.

"Scanra officially has a new king. Maggur Rathhausak has united all of the clans under him." Jon saw how exhausted his old teacher and his official spymaster looked, the building tension within Scanra had Tortall's spy network working more overtime than usual.

"What does George say?" Surely his old friend would have added advice with his information, he usually did. And Jon usually took heed of it. The former king of thieves hadn't lasted this long for no reason.

"George says that it is officially war. We knew it would be, come summer. But we didn't think to be fighting large, co-ordinated and trained armies." There was a moments silence before Myles continued again.

"He also said that you should probably assemble your knights and your armies, ready to move north as soon as they are able." Jon only nodded absently, it was the only thing left to do.

"Can you please alert the messengers to gather the lords of my council? We need to move fast."

Myles nodded as he stood up with the difficulty that comes of old age, "I passed Raoul on the way here, coming to see you no doubt."

"That man has an uncanny sixth sense when trouble of any kind is involved. Thank you, and I will see you at the council meeting, let's say midday?"

Myles gave a final nod as he walked out.

 **The King's Council Meeting**

King Jonathan looked around the table at the grim faces of his lords which included some of his closest friends and advisers.

Raoul, his ever loyal friend. The only one he had trusted to take on the King's Own Guard when Jonathan had to take up the throne after his father's death. Even though Raoul had hated him for it at the time, it had become his life over the past twenty or so years. Making his mark on such an elite force, changing Tortall one emergency situation at a time. Always a fighting man, but loyal to the bone and in charge of the most formidable force of fighters in the kingdom. He had sworn his sword, his life and his death to Jon the day they became friends as pages. As much as Jon appreciated it, he did not want another friend's death on his hands.

Buri, sitting beside him. His wife's protector in all things. Raoul's soul-mate. Fighter to the core as well, she would do anything to protect Thayet and her legacy which included Jon and Tortall by association. The Riders were probably the second most formidable force in the land and one of the most effective. Jon silently thanks the Goddess and Mithros for the day that he finally conceded to Thayet and Buri's proposal for the specialised force.

Myles, his wise old teacher who taught him so much more than history and the connotations of the Code of Chivalry. For the first time in his life Jon thinks that perhaps Myles was right all these years. The Code does ask too much of knights. It tells them that it is right and dutiful to go out there and kill for their country. To gladly give their lives in service to their liege lord, the king.

Gary, his cousin and his closest adviser. They grew up together, as close as brother's for neither had any to turn to. Always laughing, joking and somewhat reckless, Gary changed along with him when Jon had to take over the throne. He was one of the only people Jon confided to about the true nature of his father's death. Gary understood. He always understood. They both sacrificed so much together to keep the dream of Tortall alive.

Jon ran through all of the other faces of his council. Old or young, conservative and progressive. Finally, his gaze fell on the person to his right.

Alanna. Of course, George would have told her she was needed here. And she was. For so many reasons. Alanna was his best friend. His soul-mate. His right hand. They had laughed and loved and fought over the years. But that didn't change a thing. He had thought he lost her when he allowed Wyldon to put Keladry on probation and she refused to speak to him for nearly three years. It had been tough. Jon did not think that he could survive if he lost her. They were not lovers, had not been together in that way for over two decades. That did not affect how they were with each other, how much she truly meant to him.

All of the grim faces were looking at him. Waiting. He knew they were waiting.

He took one last look, at those who had been there for him over the years. Raoul, Buri, Gary, Myles. Alanna. He did not want to lose a single one of them. He did not want to lose a single one of his subjects. He did not want to do this.

But Jonathan was the king. And a king has to make hard choices.

He took a deep breath. Shutting the real Jonathan away once more.

"I officially declare war on Scanra and King Maggur."

As hard as the king tried to banish them, the same train of thought kept passing through his mind. The same thoughts which plagued him every time he had to make a hard decision. _What have I done? Who have I become? Surely I am not to blame._

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 **Please review so I know what you think! Although I wrote the bulk of this entire story in a matter of hours I have been working on it and editing it over and over again for quite a while. I am always looking to improve how I write, even though this story is pretty much done I do a lot of writing and can hopefully only get better.**

 **Goddessxx**


	2. Alanna: Frusrlund

**Chapter 2**

 **Frasrlund, on the Vassa River**

Alanna paced.

And paced.

And paced.

The siege at Frasrlund had already been underway for over a year. Sometimes, the waiting was painful. They could not leave the city to King Maggot, which also meant that they could not leave Frusrlund at all. The second they did, it would be overrun. Alanna wanted nothing more than to get out there and hit something. She found herself irrationally hoping that the Scanran's would send another raid to the fringes of the city, or that there would be another large scale attack. Even as she thought this, Alanna regretted doing so.

Too many had died just defending this one city already. The killing devices were gone now thankfully and as a result the Tortallan's had hoped, somewhat foolishly, that the war would wind down. But Maggur still had his armies and as long as he had those the war continued.

For the millionth time that day Alanna pulled out an old, worn mirror with roses painted on the back. A present Thom had given her as a child. Violet fire bloomed around the glass and once again all Alanna saw were grey clouds. It had been a week since the king had burst into her tent and told her that her that Aly was missing. Alanna worried about her daughter even when she knew where she was and what she was doing. Not knowing was killing her.

All of a sudden Alanna felt unreasonably overwhelmed and she wished Jon had stayed just a little bit longer. The Lioness had never felt as alone as she had the past week.

'Lioness'.

To people all around the known world 'Lioness' was a symbol, for many it represented hope and a hero. Alanna did not feel like a hero. She felt betrayed by her husband, who she had always trusted to tell her the truth of things. She felt that she did not deserve the title of 'mother' and could list all of the ways she had failed her children. She also felt the commander's guilt over the 300 Tortallan soldiers, knights and civilians who lost their lives over the past year in Frasrlund alone.

What was she fighting for? What was right and what was wrong?

Tortall and Jonathan were her duty. Her hard work and her dream.

Aly was her only daughter. George and their children were her family.

She was not uncaring or unfeeling.

She had failed them all.


	3. Raoul: Steadfast

**Fort Steadfast**

Earlier that morning Raoul had led a force of blue clad King's Own onto the battlefield. The hardened and trained warriors who Raoul believed could survive almost anything. He knew them all by name. He knew the names of their families. Every soldier's personality. Many of them he had known for years.

He foolishly did not think he would lose so many.

The sun was going down. It had taken nearly all day to crush the Scanran forces that attacked the fort. It had taken far too long.

Raoul, Knight Commander of the King's Own, looked out over the battlefield. So many dead. So many. How did he get here? How did Tortall get here?

It seemed like yesterday when they were all fooling around as pages, squires and then young knights. It seemed like yesterday that he got into a yelling match with Jonathan over his crap assignment to the King's Own. It seemed like yesterday that he was enjoying hard work and helping people with one hundred of his closest friends in Third Company.

Today he was standing here. The killing devices had sliced some of those men up so that they were no longer recognisable. The armies that the Maggot in the North kept sending their way were slowly causing his men to dwindle in numbers. A normal army alone they could fight and it would not be a challenge. Not this kind of warfare though. Not with necromancy and such ungodly weapons.

A wound to his leg bled sluggishly and he welcomed the pain as an alternative to the numbness he felt inside. Buri's face came to his mind. He needed to get that leg sorted, she would kill him personally otherwise. Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak did not fear death like so many others, he only feared the pain his death would cause for his beloved. She had lost too many close to her already. He decided that as soon as he could, he would marry her. Yes. He would finally marry the woman of his dreams as soon as she agreed.

Life was too short.

Death was always waiting.

Filled with pain, regret and longing the Knight Commander turned away from the messy battlefield before him and turned towards the bustle of the living.


	4. Kel: New Hope

**New Hope, Greenwoods River Valley**

Keladry of Mindelan stared at the vast amount of paperwork on her desk, lit only by a single low burning candle. New Hope had thrived and attacks were rare. Although there were still those among the Scanran's who believed that a refugee camp was easy pickings. That it provided no protection for the surrounding area. Of course this particular weary knight knew otherwise. The entire Greenwood's River valley was hers to defend and her people were more than capable of doing it effectively. There had been almost no Tortallan losses in the past six months since she had returned with the refugees from Scanra and Lord Wyldon had assigned her the entire area to protect.

Until today.

An entire two squads had been slaughtered. Sometimes it did not matter how good you were. Kel was well aware that it was wartime. She knew that death was a part of that all too well. That did not stop her feeling responsible for each and every injury, near miss or death that occurred on her watch.

Twenty. Twenty dead.

This war, this assignment - had taken some of the life out of the realms second Lady Knight.

As any good commander, she knew each and every name of those who had died under her care over the past year and a half. Everyone tried to keep a happy face, to make the best of it regardless.

But tonight, Kel could not fake being okay. Especially not to herself.

The guilt over the capture of her people six months ago had never really gone away and was now combined with all the new deaths since then. The deaths of people that Kel had commanded to be in those places. That she was supposed to bring home alive.

Tears fell onto the reports that she had been writing since dusk. Rather than stopping, the tears came harder and faster.

She was all alone.

No one felt these things as intensely as she did and they did not understand. Commander guilt did not cover what she was feeling. It was so much more.

All Kel could think over and over again: _I am not made of stone._


	5. Neal: New Hope

**New Hope, Greenwood's River Valley**

Despite Neal of Queenscove's best efforts, disease spread around New Hope. Highly contagious, and deadly. He was the only gifted healer and his assistants were among the first wave of those who had fallen ill.

His magic was drained. As soon as he got even a sliver of it back again, he burned it out once more. Never before had Neal felt as helpless and alone as he did during this epidemic. There were around 600 civilian inhabitants of New Hope, plus the assigned defending force. Already over 150 had succumbed to the illness, falling into the hands of the Black God. There was nothing he could do for a single one of them. Not even to ease their passing.

After the first wave he could feel himself giving into a dark depression that only got worse with each passing day.

One of the last to fall ill was Kel. His best friend. His soul-mate. When he was too burnt out to do a single gods damned thing, and nearly all of the medical supplies he needed to combat the illness were gone.

Anyone who was not severely ill had to continue with the daily chores, any who fared better were charged with at least maintaining the illusion that the camp could still defend itself. Quarantine had only worked for so long, as a result most of the fighting men and Kel were among the last to fall ill. Their places needed to be filled.

Their places needed to be filled. Neal could feel tears running down his face rather unashamedly. He was Kel's appointed second-in-command. How could he do her job, as well as keep her alive? Or any of those who still depended on him?

Neal had never felt so useless in his entire life.

The sky began to lighten outside Head Quarters, he had spent the entire night sitting by her bedside holding her cold, sweaty hand. Begging her not to die on him.

It was this night that Neal realised something that he had never allowed himself to acknowledge before. He was in love with his best friend. Who was dying because he could not help her.

He remembered the first time he laid eyes on her in the pages hallway, the day he took her on as her sponsor. He had no intention of getting so involved in her story, he hated the palace and page training, purposefully not making too much of an effort with his younger peers. But when he saw her standing outside her room in that damn dress he felt something.

For years he refused to acknowledge the feeling that had begun on that day. He was proud of her nerve, not only for trying for her knighthood and being the role model for so many young girls; but that first night she turned up wearing a dress. To remind them of who and what she was. Neal had admired her from that moment on, and she had never ceased to amaze him over the past ten years.

Old memories had plagued him throughout the night.

The night he got the best lesson on chivalry he had ever heard, from a ten year old girl and joined her on her anti-bulling campaign. The day she took on a shy, abused common girl as her maid, taught her to defend herself and gave her the chance to own her own shop. The day she missed the big exams to save said maid. When he became the squire to her hero but she was chosen by one of the best commanders Tortall had ever seen. Her first joust against that stupid conservative knight whats-his-name. When Cleon fell in love with her and Neal thought the pain in his chest would never go away. Seeing Kel and Yuki dance with a deadly fan and he decided that the pain in his chest may always be there but he would try to live his life anyway.

All of his memories of her from the last ten years had been stuck on repeat all night. Over and over and over again he had seen her story play out. Every time, he reached the same conclusion.

He loved his best friend.

As more than a friend.

It could never be.

The truth hurt so much, but Neal was an honourable man.

He had married Yuki not two months ago. He had repressed his feelings for Kel for so long he mistakenly thought he could start a life with a wonderful woman who deserved the world. And Yuki did deserve the world.

Either way, tonight would be the last and only night that Neal of Queenscove would succumb to the truth of his feelings. Come morning Kel would either be dead or finally recovering.

And his life would go on.

Without her.

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 **A/N: Okay, so the whole KelNeal just happened but this is in no way a KelNeal story.**

 **Please R &R otherwise I have no idea what anyone's thoughts are but my own. And I'm more than slightly biased. **


	6. Dom: Steadfast

**Fort Steadfast**

This dratted war had cost Tortall so many lives. So many bright futures snuffed out in the two years it had been raging on.

Domitan of Masbolle stood on the wall of Fort Steadfast, his heart heavy and his mind on overdrive. One of the lives which had been lost was Captain Flyndan's. Raoul had taken the news particularly hard, he had worked closely with Flyn for over fifteen years but the rest of Third Company and the fort also felt Flyn's death keenly.

That was how Dom had come to be standing on the wall as the new Captain of Third Company. He had agreed to the position because Lord Raoul had insisted that he could not even dream of anyone else having it. Dom had not wanted to take Flyn's place, but Third needed a Captain. Instead of being responsible for the lives of nine other men, he was now responsible for over one hundred at full force. Third was currently around seventy men strong. Their losses had been harsh.

Dom made a vow then and there, to bring each and every one of the remaining seventy home.

The war had officially ended, but the forts all remained manned. Some of the Scanran's refused to acknowledge it was over even with the assassination of King Maggur. According to Tortall's intelligence another had taken his place. A young man. No one really knew any specifics, but rumour had it that he had been fighting Maggur with a group of clan rebels since Maggur had begun his conquering crusade. Either way, he had immediately sent envoys to declare an end to the war and to talk peace with the Tortallan king.

The prospect of going home was looming in the near future and Dom prayed rather fervently that he would be able to take his men from this gods-cursed place soon.

The day the order came for Third to pack up and begin preparations to head to Corus, Dom walked to his room and cried. They had survived this war. They had all lost so much, but they had survived.

Not for the first time, he began to think of the future. He would need to recruit and train men of course, but what about beyond that?

As they followed the Lady Knight across enemy borders a year ago to rescue her refugees, he had realised what the fear in his heart had meant when he overheard that conversation between the Haven sergeants. When he learned that she had gone and done such a predictably stupid thing.

Domitan of Masbolle suddenly knew one day, riding through the Scanran wilderness tracking the enemy which had captured Kel's refugees, that after five years of friendship he no longer wanted to be her friend. He wanted to be so much more.

Dom knew that his cousin loved the Lady Knight. Indeed, he had known it from the first year they were pages with Neal's rather detailed letters which had continued over the years until he knew every move she had made.

Yes, Neal loved Kel. He was absolutely devoted to her, he had done the same as Dom and followed her to Scanra. The two cousins would follow her to the Dark God's realm and back if they had to.

Neal was also married and Dom knew his cousin well. He would not turn his back on his wife. Dom also knew that Neal had chosen a wife who closely resembled his best friend. He also suspected that Kel may have the same deeply rooted feelings for his meathead cousin.

Perhaps she would settle for Dom instead?

Yes. That trip home across the Vassa in the smugglers boats had made Dom admit what he felt. He knew that after five years of loving her from a distance that he would not any longer.

They were going home.

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 **A/N: Please R & R. Feedback is always welcome. **


	7. Jon: Homecoming

**Corus**

King Jonathan watched the steady line of weary troops trudge into Corus. Some, such as the younger knights, the King's Own and the Queen's Riders would stay as the capital was home to many. Others would stay only to rest, have their name registered so the crown could know who was still alive, and receive payment for their period of service before returning to their homes.

Jonathan tried so hard not to count every single returning warrior (he knew the exact number that had been sent to the front over the last two years) and not to look for certain people. He knew that those closest to him who had been serving on the front were alive, he would have heard otherwise. He did not know what condition they were in. What toll this war had taken on them.

So the king took up the same solitary post at the same window, day after day until they had all returned. All those who had survived because he had ordered them to defend the borders of _his_ country. Was he right or was he wrong to ask that of them?

 _Am I on the wrong side of heaven? Or the righteous side of hell?_

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 **A/N: Sorry this one is so short. Please remember it was written as a oneshot and was split into chapters for easier reading.**


	8. Aftermath: Alanna

**Aftermath**

After the war, with still no news of Aly, Alanna was unsure what to do with herself. She was at the practice courts day after day and constantly thanked the Goddess that those she held dear returned from the north in varying states of wholeness.

She also prayed to the Goddess to keep her baby girl safe, where ever in the world she may be.

Life goes on.

Alan became a squire, and in a conversation between old friends Raoul had decided to take him on. Alanna was fine with this arrangement, her old friend would not hold Alan's parentage against him and he had done such a fine job with Keladry.

"I quite enjoyed having a squire running around after me again. I find that I miss Kel when she's not around to pester me. I think Alan would have potential if someone gave him the means. Yes, I think I will go see him first thing in the morning." Raoul had muttered to himself and nodded decisively.

Yes, her son would be okay.

Life goes on.

The day that George turned up to talk to the king, Alanna decided to stop being mad at him for not telling her about Aly. The war had been long enough and she missed her husband's warm embrace and how he could make her feel she was not carrying any burden alone.

She sat in when George talked to the king, the Copper Isles had a new Queen. Both Alanna and Jon nodded absently, their minds elsewhere. George nudged his wife, "I was goin' to tell you privately, so don't be mad with me lass. This information does not leave this room." He looked pointedly at Jon who nodded.

"I found Aly."

The reaction from both the king and his champion made George's heart lurch, his children were much loved, especially his not-so-little-anymore daughter.

"Where is she George? Where?" Alanna's voice took on an almost hysterical tone and he felt bad for not telling her when he found out. She had been on the front line, and she was no longer as young as she used to be. No, not telling her had been the right thing to do at the time.

"In the Copper Isles."

"WHAT?!" Alanna screamed.

"Her boat got taken by slavers who sold her in the Copper Isles. Where a god made her a wager. Long story short my love, she is definitely our little girl. She was one of the master minds behind the raka revolution in the Isles and from what I gather, she's not only a close friend and adviser to the new queen but also her spymaster." A massive emission of facts but his wife need not know the details, George decided.

"She always did want to follow in your footsteps, George." Alanna sighed dejectedly.

For the first time Jon spoke, "I suppose you're both going to the Copper Isles as part of the Tortallan delegation then. I'm also going to have to choose who can go with you, once our wonderful extended family finds out where she is."

The look Alanna gave Jon was not missed by either man, the three of them had a history which would never be easily forgotten. Jon's heart ached at the thought of Alanna leaving again so soon but he had commanded his champion's attentions on the border for too long. She looked weary to the bone and dare he say, old. They were all getting so old. He made a mental note to make sure his spy master and his champion had as much time off as they needed when they got back from the Copper Isles.

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 **A/N: Please remember to review as reviews help me to work out how well I'm going with my writing and ideas**


	9. Aftermath: Raoul

**Aftermath**

The day that Raoul and Buri made it home to the palace they fulfilled their required duties and retired to their chambers where they promptly fell onto the bed in exhaustion and slept the entire night and most of the next morning.

After waking they both soaked until they could no longer felt the dirt and blood underneath their skin and ate what little they could stomach. Not quite coming to terms with the losses they had suffered and the fact that they had both survived.

When they did realise that they were both very much alive the desire to hold each other as close as they could would not go away. They tore at clothes and bruised their lips, all the while trying to get closer to the other. They held nothing back. Their need was simple and necessary and heart wrenching.

They had lived. While others had died in their stead.

The couple did not leave their suite for three days, too engrossed in convincing themselves and each other that they were very much alive. When they did surface, they remembered life again. As painful as it was, they re-joined the living once more.

Three months on, they decided that late was better than never. Buri had found Raoul on the Own's practice courts after seeing Duke Baird and told him that they were going to have a little family.

At long last.

Life goes on.

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 **A/N: I know this is a short section. Please remember this was written as a oneshot and broken into chapters for easy reading.**


	10. Aftermath: Neal

**Aftermath**

Neal wandered around the palace at loss for what he was supposed to do with himself. Although he had taken a position with the palace healers the day after they returned from the front three months ago he felt useless. Each healer was on a rotation of shifts with two days off, in other words there was a lot of spare time that Neal had no idea how to fill. He could not remember what it was that he did in spare time. All he could remember was being on call all day every day, never enough time to get everything done.

Today was the first of two days off for this rotation, only another 46 hours until he was due back in the infirmary. An entire 46 hours to fill… somehow?

Neal knew that he should go back to his rooms. That he should be there when his pregnant wife woke up. He just couldn't bring himself to. For three months he had gone through the motions of being happy and content at home.

As overjoyed as he was to be a father, he was ashamed at how hard it was not to cry and curse when Yuki had told him her news only the day before. This child was to be the final barrier put up against the life he could have had. Something in Neal knew that this child would be a girl, and some nagging feeling made him believe that she would try for her knighthood, as crazy as he thought the idea was. Regardless of how hard as he tried to supress the thought, it just kept finding its way back into his mind: that such a child should have had a different mother.

That night in New Hope when Neal had realised the depths of his feelings for Kel, he had thought he also resigned himself to living his life as he had chosen it. It proved hard when he saw her spending so much time with his cousin. They weren't courting, yet. There was not a shred of doubt in Neal's mind that that would change soon. Why was watching the person you loved live their life without you, so painful?

It was unfair to continue this way.  
Unfair to Yuki.  
Unfair to Kel.  
Most of all, unfair to himself.

Abruptly Neal stopped his aimless wandering. With a sigh he turned around and began the walk back his rooms using this newfound determination to drive him forward.

When he reached the door of the suites he and Yuki shared, Neal could not help but linger in the hall. A plain wooden door had surely never looked so terrifying before, he thought to himself. If he remained on this side, standing in the hall, he was letting himself hold onto a dream that he knew he could never have. On the other side there was a warm bed, a woman who loved him and a future.

Ignoring the excruciating pain in his chest Neal opened the door and without even bothering to undress, slipped into bed beside his wife.

In doing so, he tore himself away from lingering thoughts about the war.  
He destroyed the dream of a life with Kel.  
He ultimately felt as though he was physically ripping part of his heart out.

Then Yuki's arm wound its way around his waist, her head rested against his side and he couldn't help but smile softly at her peaceful sleeping face.

Yes, the war had made him grow up in many ways.  
It had made him realise things about himself and who he was as a person.  
The war showed him how deeply he could love and now, in the aftermath it was also showing him that it was possible to live with pain.

Probably most important of all, the war and its aftermath had taught Neal of Queenscove how to let go.

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 **A/N: Please review as it can only help me get better! For those of you who are following this story I am so sorry I decided to upload the remaining chapters as I kept forgetting to every few days, and my life is about to get extremely hectic. I wanted you to have the whole story in case I drown underneath it all.**


	11. Aftermath: Kel

**Aftermath**

Kel sat in the birthing room trying to provide Yuki with as much comfort and support as she could and silently praying that she would be able to feel her hand again sometime this decade. Truth be told she wasn't overly sure what it was she should be doing but no one had really told her to do anything else, so she continued to sit beside the usually calm and stoic Yamani and let her break her hand.

Six hours later an infant's outraged cry rang out, much to the relief of her exhausted mother, family and friends. The child was a girl as Kel had thought it might be, tiny and healthy and absolutely perfect. As the servants cleaned up Shinko and Kel made their exit. On a whim Kel looked back at her two best friends, curled together on the clean bed both looking down at the small new life they had created together. Kel did not miss the way Yuki lent into Neal's embrace nor the look of love and wonder that Neal gave his wife. With an odd drop in her stomach Kel walked out and gently closed the door so as not to disturb the intimate family scene taking place. For such a happy event, why did she feel so sad?

Dom had been waiting in the open living area, refusing to leave unless absolutely necessary. Neal was closer to him than any of his other family after all. Seeing the crown princess and Kel emerge from the room looking more than a little worse for wear, he stood up and stretched out his stiff limbs. The princess quickly excused herself and Dom looked over at Kel. They had been courting officially for around six months now, he knew her facial expressions better than anyone save Neal. He walked over and pulled her close, guessing at what the problem may be.

"Is it hard?" He asked her quietly as they headed down the hallway towards Kel's assigned rooms.

Confusion clouded Kel's face, "Is what hard?"

"Watching your soul-mate build a life with someone else?"

Kel stopped dead in her tracks. Surely Dom couldn't be implying something that out-there, could he? Especially when there was no truth to the matter at all. She didn't think there was any truth in it.

Kel could hear Dom's small sigh, "Kel, I knew long before we got together that you and Neal were two halves of the one whole. You need each other and that will never change. I also knew that Neal had chosen the life that meant he would always be what you needed: your best friend."

Kel still didn't move. Her feelings about certain things over the years made sense now. But Dom was right, Neal had chosen for her. He had chosen to stay her friend, and was she alright with that fact? She had to be. She had seen how happy he was with his small family. New life after the war had taken so many. If Dom had known this, why was he still here?

The words barely made their way out of Kel's throat. She didn't think she wanted to know the answer. "So where does that leave us?"

Dom gave her a sad smile and shrugged in his good natured kind of way. "Where ever you want us to be, Kel. I love you and that isn't going to change."

Yes, Neal was content with his small family. Their new life. Perhaps it was time that Kel gave herself a chance at a new life.

"Maybe Neal is my soulmate." She saw Dom's face fall ever so slightly. "But I think I've loved you from the first day when you walked right up to me and handed me that turn over. I don't think soulmates are always the ones you end up spending your life with, Dom. I think they come into your life to help you become who you are and sometimes they leave after and sometimes you have to carry on despite them."

Kel moved closer to him, forgetting they were in a hallway and that the world was still carrying on as normal around them. "Yes, it hurt to see Neal so happy. But I am also so glad that he is because I can think of no one else who deserves it more than he does. The war took so much from all of us, but in the aftermath Neal got the happy ending he always wanted and I got you. You make me happy Domitan of Masbolle. Maybe you aren't my soulmate, but you definitely have my heart. Perhaps you will also be my happy ending."

Life goes on.


	12. Aftermath: Dom

**Aftermath**

Dom stood on the ramparts overlooking the streets of Corus beneath. It had been two years since the end of the Scanran War. Although he and those around him were trained for combat in the service of the crown, this was the big war of their generation that not a single one of them would forget. They had lost friends, family and brothers-at-arms in the three years it had raged on. A war of that magnitude had severe effects on every single person of the realm.

On a smaller scale he knew it was the reason Lord Raoul had finally settled down although his wife and son were still never far from where he was, whether the Own was out on a call or not.

He knew it was the reason the Lioness had ended up with a fourth child, another small red-headed trouble maker which she seldom let out of her sight.

It was the reason King Jonathan and Queen Thayet had decided to step down from throne in favour of Roald and his Yamani wife Shinkokami.

He knew the reason his cousin, Neal, was so happy with the life he had built with his own wife and their brood of children was because the war had taught him to let go of things he could not change.

It was also the reason he ended up with both a promotion and the girl. Captain Domitan of Masbolle and Lady Knight Keladry of Mindelan were a common sight around the realm whenever there was a problem that needed solving. They knew that they would never survive marriage, and they did not need to. They were content carrying on as they were, lovers. Marriage was merely a formality they did not need.

Yes. Beyond the nightmares, the worry and the death - the Scanran war had also given them something to fight for once again. It had restored their hope and faith in the dream that they knew as Tortall.

And life goes on.

* * *

 **A/N: If you have made it to the end of this, then thank you for reading! I hope you liked this random little story I predominantly wrote at 3am one night. I am unsure about how the last two or three chapters sound but overall this was a project for me and I hope you enjoyed it and were at least a little bit moved. My hope for this was to show a more humane side of our favourites that we don't see in the books and that the other characters within the Tortall Universe don't see.**

 **Trauma is something that never really goes away but we can learn and choose to live despite it. By bringing these characters at least a little into the realm of reality I hoped to normalize this a little with the heroes we all know and love.**

 **And perhaps waking up and fighting our demons each and every day is the true definition of bravery.**

 **Goddessxx**

 **P.S Please review so I know your thoughts, feelings or feedback and hopefully continue to improve.**


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